How do I stop checking my email or messages repeatedly when I feel anxious?
If you find yourself checking your email or messages constantly after sending something - refreshing the screen, re-reading what you wrote, or worrying about how it was received - you’re in good company. Lots of overthinkers and worriers get caught in this loop.
It’s not the inbox that’s the problem. It’s the uncertainty.
When you send a message and don’t get an immediate reply, your brain fills the gap with possibility, usually the worst kind. That discomfort drives the urge to check - and checking creates short-term relief.
The problem? Relief trains the habit to return even stronger.
Why do we keep checking?
Psychologically, checking is a form of reassurance-seeking. It’s your mind trying to avoid uncertainty by searching for proof that everything is okay.
This leads to a loop:
You feel unsure or anxious.
You check your inbox.
You feel better - briefly.
The uncertainty comes back.
You check again.
This pattern is well-known in both cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Fortunately, you don’t need to overhaul your habits to interrupt it. A single shift can make a difference.
A simple technique that helps: Pause before you check
In exposure-based therapies and ACT, one effective strategy is introducing a brief, flexible pause before giving in to the urge to check. Nothing rigid. Nothing timed. Just a moment.
A moment to pause before you check.
That pause could be one breath, a short stretch, a few seconds of noticing the urge - or longer, if that feels comfortable. You’re not resisting or fighting the urge. You’re interrupting the automatic loop.
And after the pause? You’re free to check if you still want to.
The power lies in showing your brain:“I can feel uncertainty and not react immediately.”
Why this works
This technique works because it teaches your mind that discomfort can be tolerated. Here’s what the research-backed principles show:
In exposure therapy, delaying a compulsion weakens its intensity.
In ACT, allowing discomfort without reacting builds psychological flexibility.
In behavioural science, even tiny delays disrupt habitual loops.
This tiny pause interrupts anxiety long enough for the urge to rise… and naturally fall again.
What can you do during the pause?
You don’t need a ritual or a rule. Just something that helps you notice the moment:
Take one slow breath
Put your phone down for a moment
Stretch your shoulders
Remind yourself: “Uncertainty is uncomfortable, not dangerous.”
Look away from the screen and ground yourself in the room.
You’re letting the urge exist without letting it lead the way.
Will this stop checking forever?
No, that’s not the goal. The aim is to loosen the grip of automatic checking, build trust in your ability to tolerate uncertainty and slowly reduce the power of anxious urges.
Over time, these tiny pauses create a calmer inner response - and a gentler relationship with uncertainty.
Try this today
Next time you send an email or message and feel the pull to check:
Pause. Just for a moment.
Then choose what to do.
It’s a small step with big long-term impact.
If you’d like a little support with overthinking
If email checking is just one part of a bigger overthinking pattern, you might find the tools inside Luma helpful.
Luma offers gentle, practical exercises based on cognitive and behaviour-change techniques - including ways to pause, notice spirals, and create a bit more mental space.
You can dip in whenever you need a moment of clarity.
